Then and Now
Michael Malthouse under-achiever
When Michael Malthouse announced in 1999 that he was heading to Collingwood
the cheering from the long-suffering West Coast supporters must have been heard in Ceduna. The good
people of Perth were delighted because a great black cloud had been lifted.
Many thought his departure was four years too late and a hard core of supporters, like me, wished he
had never arrived.
Admittedly, there were two Premierships during his stay (1992 and 1994) but, really, the proverbial
drover's dog could have done as much with such a brilliant team list. Most knowledgeable Eagles people
consider the 1991 team to be the best the club has fielded. It is now history that Malthouse
managed to lose with it. His erratic team selection leading up to the finals contributed to the
Grand Final loss and he was completely out-coached on the day.
YOUNG TALLS: If you have a promising, young, tall player don't send him to Malthouse. The
record shows that he has curtailed the career of many a young man.
Dean Irving: Never came close to reaching his potential. Never learned to ruck.
Stevan Jackson: Had flair but Malthouse put an end to that by publicly humiliating him.
Brett Spinks: Needed games in order to improve but Malthouse left him in the WAFL where he was
averaging 15 marks a match.
Jason Ball: Was consistently being spoilt from behind, in marking contests, by taking front spot ALL
the time on Malthouse's insistance. At Sydney, Ball took many goalsquare marks by reaching over an
opponent. His ruckwork improved out of sight.
Brendon Fewster: Malthouse curtailed his exuberance to such a degree that he was rendered ineffective.
OLD TALLS: In the early 1990s Malthouse announced that the ruckman was defunct. (PEASE Mr Seven,
find that video and replay it so that we may all laugh) I laughed myself silly during the 2002 and 2003
Grand Finals when Clark Keating cut a swathe through Collingwood. Keating was the most influentual
player (IMO) in Brisbane's three Premierships and I'm aware of the contributions of Michael Voss, Simon
Black and Nigel Lappin. It's not just a matter of ruck statistics but the quality of Keating's big
punches forward. He had the best midfield ever and he used them to run onto his knocks and penetrate
deep into the forward line. Defunct indeed!
Two reasons for success
Brett Heady and Dean Kemp.
Earlier, when Malthouse first reached Collingwood, he sacked Damien Monkhorst, immediately, along
with Saverio Rocca. Both players had one or two years of quality football left but they were out the door.
Malthouse, obviously, discounted the value of Monkhurst's ability to clear a way for his midfielders by
slamming his hip and backside into the opposition. At his top he was quite fearsome. In contrast,
Malthouse's pet player of today, Josh “Snakehips” Fraser, is busy avoiding contact with other players
and leaves his “smalls” to fend for themselves. Oddly enough, if a young D. Monkhorst appeared today
his influence on the game would be profound given the tight action around the ball-ups.
THE RULES (1): Back in the 1990s Malthouse pushed for the rules to be changed so that the boundary
throw-in could be eliminated. Yep, he wanted the “last toucher” rule to apply. Anyone with half
a brain knew that the proposal was stupid beyond belief but, nonetheless, the matter was discussed by radio
“experts” here in Perth with many in favour. Eventually, the idea was given a trial in pre-season
games with predictable results. Often, two players would tumble over the line together and the poor old
boundary umpire (panting up on the scene) would have to admit that he couldn't indicate the last toucher.
When players had a free kick into play they were constantly becoming tangled in plastic chairs, photographers
and cables. BUT the best bit (for me at least) was the way the players behaved when the ball was close to the
line when they assumed a kind of waltz. It was “You pick it up and I'll push you over the line”
and “Nah, you pick it up. I thought of it first!”. Best of all was when the players twigged to
handballing into an opponent's shins to make the ball skid out of bounds. It was bloody hilarious. I was
reminded of Ric Charlesworth playing hockey. He would flick the ball into his opponent's shins on a regular
basis.
THE RULES (2): Malthouse STILL wants more players on the bench at a time when many people are
seriously considering having less INTERCHANGEABLE players. Fatigue is becoming less of a factor in the game
because of the extended bench and speedy sqibs (five minutes on, five off) are valued players who would not
have had the stamina to play 50 years ago. Back then there was no lap of honour, at the end of games,
because you would only muster about five players capable of jogging the extra 500m. Certainly the four
(yes four) ruckmen would not have had anything more to give. A champion player like Peter Featherby, who could
run all day, would be of diminished value under Malthouse's rules because Mick would use his
number 23, 24 and 25 players in tag-team rotation to nullify his stamina. A pox on Malthouse's loony ideas.
SNOUTS AND PETS: When Malthouse takes a “snout” on a player the poor bloke can kiss his
AFL career goodbye. Despite dominating at VFL/WAFL level he won't be considered for the team and, when his
enthusiasm (inevitably) wanes and his form deteriorates Malthouse will claim justification. Here are some
of the Eagles who were destroyed by Malthouse.
Troy Ugle: A player who was a wizard on the ground but could take a high mark with the talls. I placed him up
with Kevin Taylor in this regard. If Malthouse played Ugle it was usually in the backline where he was
totally unsuited.
Brett Spinks: An excellent high mark, he languished in the WAFL at a time when he should have been learning his
craft at the highest level.
Stevan Jackson: This bloke was forever being humiliated by his coach. When Malthouse was entering his
anti-ruckman period he would insist on the centre-half-forward contesting the throw-ins and ball-ups in the
forward area. Jackson would have to detach himself from Paul Roos (for instance) and contest the ruck. Roos
loved it!
Craig Turley: Played a lot of games under Malthouse but, at one stage, was completely ignored despite
averaging around 40 disposals a game at WAFL level. Eventually, a perplexed footy public began to spread
an unlikely rumour about the poor bloke in order to explain his constant rejection.
One of Malthouse's pets was Chris Lewis who would come back from injury with a few desultory possessions
with Claremont and be straight in the Eagles. Once back he would be unsighted until popping up with one or two
flashy possessions. Kinda like Dale Thomas!!
DISLOYALTY: Mid way through 1999 every football follower and his dog knew that Malthouse was leaving to
coach Collingwood. From the start of the season our “stalwart coach” had hedged and postured and
told porkies about his intentions. What an unscrupulous prick! The ox is slow and so is/was West Coast.
At that time West Coast should have sacked or suspended Malthouse and appointed Robert Wiley for the second
half of the season. History shows that the Eagles heirarchy showed no guts whatsoever while Malthouse was
going home and watching replays of Collingwood. The Eagles' results for 1999 ....
W
W
W
W
W
W
L
W
W
L
L
W
W
W
L
L
L
L
W
L
L
L
After a brilliant start they lost seven out of the last eight games.
It would have been best to suspend him. If he didn't attend training his monster salary would be at risk.
When he turned up the president could have met him at the door and said “Your services won't be
required today, Mr Malthouse, see you tomorrow”.
No doubt Malthouse will continue to plague us for a few years yet. If you are sick of the verbal diarrhea that
comes out his mouth on TV, cover your ears and sing the Ying-Tong song. It works for me.
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