Then and Now
Only In Melbourne
Melburnians are weird. For instance, only Melburnians could elevate the talentless
John (Sam) Newman to television stardom. Anywhere else in Australia he would have been told
to peddle his wares elsewhere but in Melbourne he is feted by an adoring public who hang on his
every word.
No matter that he has no natural wit and relies on formulaic prepared jokes.
No matter that he constantly uses words to which he has attributed his own (imprecise) meaning.
No matter that he is stupid.
Newman - Unfunny.
I don't sit and watch the Footy Show any more and if I have it on I'll be cooking a meal or
stripping the lawnmower rather than waste the time. Probably the last straw, for me, was years
ago when the ensemble were laughing (justifiably) at a 1970s photo of players with long hair.
James Hird, his hair elaborately styled with several blonded spikes, found the photo to be hilarious.
"I'm oughtta here" I yelled.
Newman is not the first Melbourne television personality to receive public acclaim far in excess
of his real worth. Graham Kennedy, a fair to middling comedian, was accorded the status of King.
I used to watch Kennedy with my friends in Melbourne and never ceased to marvel at how they would
bellylaugh at the the most ordinary of shows. Each night Gra-Gra would appear and say nothing but
simply pull faces. My hosts would be falling about, laughing, while I sat smiling politely.
Kennedy - King only in Melbourne.
When TV stations refer to Kennedy, nowadays, they always show the dog peeing in the studio.
That is not Kennedy being funny, that is a dog acting naturally. Then they show a
succession of cream pie in the face shots which most people find to be unfunny after the age of ten.
I would venture to say that a (best of) compilation of clips from Trevor Marmalade would be
funnier than the same from Graham Kennedy.
My main criticism of Newman is the manner in which he talks the AFL competition down.
He does nothing to boost crowds with his "Who cares" attitude to out-of-town games like Port Adelaide
versus Fremantle and his (recent) derisive comments on Melbourne FC crowds.
